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Topic: Mr. N's whimsical postings...

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MrNubbz

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #28 on: September 11, 2021, 08:26:39 AM »












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OrangeAfroMan

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #29 on: September 11, 2021, 08:36:49 AM »
I find it odd that Wal-Mart keeps its 47 checkout lanes while only having 3 of them open.
I guess it's for black Friday or something?  

That's a lot of wasted floor space.
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“The Swamp is where Gators live.  We feel comfortable there, but we hope our opponents feel tentative. A swamp is hot and sticky and can be dangerous." - Steve Spurrier

MrNubbz

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #30 on: September 13, 2021, 02:59:35 PM »
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MrNubbz

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #31 on: September 14, 2021, 09:11:44 AM »
Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield


I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.


It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!


Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.


A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!


A hooker once told me she had a headache.


I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'


My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.


I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.


The other day I came home early and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early. '


My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.


I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.


My wife is such a bad cook.  In my house we pray after the meal.


My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.


My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.


It's been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.


I was such an ugly kid! When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.


I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.


I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.


I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.


When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway. "


I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.


I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father He said he wanted more proof.


Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide. "


My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.


I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.


I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said: "Nothing, your eyesight is perfect. "


I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.


One year they wanted to make me a poster boy -- for birth control.


My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

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longhorn320

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #32 on: September 14, 2021, 09:41:16 AM »
You left one out.....

I went to a bar the other night.  They told me I would have to leave cause it was happy hour.
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They won't let me give blood anymore. The burnt orange color scares the hell out of the doctors.

MrNubbz

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #33 on: September 17, 2021, 10:36:02 AM »
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Brutus Buckeye

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #34 on: September 17, 2021, 12:55:08 PM »
Quote from: MrNubbz on September 07, 2021, 09:56:00 PM





Yeah, you just take that Kentucky Jelly and you spread it onto your beans and frank. 
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1979, 81, 82, 84, 87, 94, 98
2001, 02, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19

MrNubbz

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #35 on: September 18, 2021, 08:20:36 AM »
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MrNubbz

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #36 on: September 20, 2021, 07:03:41 PM »
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MrNubbz

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #37 on: September 20, 2021, 07:14:46 PM »
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MrNubbz

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #38 on: September 22, 2021, 09:32:43 AM »
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Cincydawg

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #39 on: September 22, 2021, 09:37:50 AM »
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Brutus Buckeye

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #40 on: September 23, 2021, 01:11:03 AM »
Quote from: MrNubbz on September 20, 2021, 07:14:46 PM


There would be two acceptable pronunciations by my count. 

Twenty-wunth. 
Twenty-firth. 
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1919, 20, 21, 28, 29, 31, 34, 35, 36, 37, 42, 44
WWH: 1952, 54, 55, 57, 58, 60, 61, 62, 63, 65, 67, 68, 70, 72, 74, 75
1979, 81, 82, 84, 87, 94, 98
2001, 02, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19

MrNubbz

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Re: Mr. N's whimsical postings...
« Reply #41 on: September 23, 2021, 04:24:55 PM »








"Turns out it was a marble in the ashtray"
« Last Edit: September 23, 2021, 04:37:10 PM by MrNubbz »
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