Dear Miss Manners,
I recently repaired a relationship with my estranged brother and his wife. It was caused by her, who was close to my ex-wife and betrayed my confidence when I met my current wife by a) leaking private information about my doings to my ex which got back to me and b) saying rude things to my now current wife on social media. This rift persisted even though they had moved to Orange County ~15 minutes from where I live.
After several years, she reached out, and we had a long talk about the issues, and tried to patch things up. We've seen them a half-dozen times over the last 6 months, both with and without the kids, and it has seemed to be going well. She and my wife really seemed to be hitting it off. I have been clear with my sister-in-law that I won't tell her who she can and can't be friends with, but that it was important to me that if she wanted to remain friends with my ex, all I cared about was keeping my private doings private.
Fast-forward to Thursday. She reached out to my wife mid-day asking if we had any plans for Saturday and inviting us [and the kids, who were still with their mom on Thursday] over for the afternoon. Without committing, my wife gave the impression that we were in, but hadn't firmed any plans. When she got home from work, we both agreed that we didn't really want to go this weekend, so we canceled.
I picked up the kids yesterday from school, and last night my son asked if he should return some books that he'd borrowed to his cousin, because his mom had told him we were going to see them. Which of course means that sometime between, say, noon and 6 pm, my sister-in-law told my ex that she had made plans with us and the kids. This plans did not involve my ex in any way, and are none of her business.
What should I do?
Sincerely, Hand on the Sibling Relationship Detonator
