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So... Just needed a place to gripe and figured you guys are sympathetic ears for this sort of thing...

Out here in SoCal, two of my fraternity brothers were living just down the road in the San Diego area for the last 4-5 years. One is a fellow left-handed Polish electrical engineer whose birthday is 1 day prior to mine, and the other was actually my roommate for a year in the fraternity. Obviously we've been through a lot over the years. Weddings, divorces, next weddings, and everything in between.

Over the past few years, when I met my wonderful wife, my one friend's wife [who hated my ex] took an immediate liking to my new bride. Right about the time I met her, my other friend met the woman who he married a few months ago. The six of us quickly all became really good friends.

My former roommate ended up moving back to Indianapolis with his wife in November. He found that oddly the job market for what he did and his wife did was actually better in Indiana than SoCal, to the extent that he was able to make more money and move to a place with MUCH lower living expenses.

My fellow EE friend just got a job with a former employer in Charlotte. Can't blame him, as it was a promotion and a SERIOUS raise, and again dropped his living expenses like a rock. So early next month, he and his wife are out of here and moving cross-country.

I'm happy for them, but it leaves me feeling a little bit deserted. After a certain age, making friends is just a completely different proposition...

Friends. Hmm. I've had to shed a few over the past year. I always say that I have too many good ones to have bad ones. It's still hard though.

So, anyone have any vacations planned for this year? We've got a few coming up. Have some weekend visits to Florida in February and March set up, just to get the heck out of here and warm up.


Then, in April, it's back to Europe for an 8 day cruise from Civitavecchia to Venice, followed by 9 days in Milan, Florence and Rome.


November takes us back to Florida for a week.


That's all so far. I'm sure we'll have a couple of jaunts on The Lake, but nothing major.

I can relate to that bwar. From my pre-Bloomington years, I have a cluster of friendships that Vegas would give long odds to end before death, including one from kindergarten through the end of college. But at IU, with rare exceptions, I never really added any that didn't belong to my wife. She's since moved to Buffalo because she got her dream professorship, and I still hang out with them, even threw a party recently and will do it again soon. But whereas that's all quite nice and we're authentic around each other, there are rarely any shenanigans. We just sit or stand, drink or don't, and talk - current events or science/philosophy. Pleasant, even fascinating, but not brotherhood. It's not close to the same. 

I guess that means all I can recommend is stay close to your wife (which I think you are), keep a pet (which I think you do), and find as much pleasure as you can in your moments alone. Not because you should pack up and enter your life's cat lady zone, but because while it's safe to bet more friends - even great ones - can/will enter your space, that's not necessarily in your control. And if you believe in the principle that happiness is always a choice, but not always easily made, these other things will help you choose it more easily no matter the friends that move away or how slow you meet the next ones.

So... Just needed a place to gripe and figured you guys are sympathetic ears for this sort of thing...

Out here in SoCal, two of my fraternity brothers were living just down the road in the San Diego area for the last 4-5 years. One is a fellow left-handed Polish electrical engineer whose birthday is 1 day prior to mine, and the other was actually my roommate for a year in the fraternity. Obviously we've been through a lot over the years. Weddings, divorces, next weddings, and everything in between.

Over the past few years, when I met my wonderful wife, my one friend's wife [who hated my ex] took an immediate liking to my new bride. Right about the time I met her, my other friend met the woman who he married a few months ago. The six of us quickly all became really good friends.

My former roommate ended up moving back to Indianapolis with his wife in November. He found that oddly the job market for what he did and his wife did was actually better in Indiana than SoCal, to the extent that he was able to make more money and move to a place with MUCH lower living expenses.

My fellow EE friend just got a job with a former employer in Charlotte. Can't blame him, as it was a promotion and a SERIOUS raise, and again dropped his living expenses like a rock. So early next month, he and his wife are out of here and moving cross-country.

I'm happy for them, but it leaves me feeling a little bit deserted. After a certain age, making friends is just a completely different proposition...

Kids make it even harder.  Then you can pretty much only have other friends that have kids...of a similar age, for at least a little while.

Kids make it even harder.  Then you can pretty much only have other friends that have kids...of a similar age, for at least a little while.

Interesting. We never let that stand in the way of our friends. Sure, you make accommodations for certain things, but by and large kids never dictated who we hung out with.

So... Just needed a place to gripe and figured you guys are sympathetic ears for this sort of thing...


I'm happy for them, but it leaves me feeling a little bit deserted. After a certain age, making friends is just a completely different proposition...

from what I've read about your cooking/smoking and brewing it will be very easy to find new friends.  Simply find someone that you feel might be worthy of your friendship and then invite them over for some goo food and drink.  I'd guess you are a very generous and gracious host.