Two Irish men are looking through a catalogue
Paddy says:
Jaysus would you look at this the women here are goergeous and their prices are reasonable to!
Mick agrees with Paddy and says
Right i’m ordering one right now!
A few weeks later, Paddy says to Mick
Has your woman showed up yet?
“No” says Mick
But it shouldn’t be long now her clothes arrived yesterday
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Pat, his wife and their 9-year-old son went shopping in Dublin for the first time. Pat had never been to Dublin and always lived in the countryside.
Pat and his son were totally amazed by nearly everything they saw. But it was a shiny silver wall that opened and closed magically that really got their attention.
The boy asked his father Pat,
What is this dad?
Pat(who had never seen an elevator before) responded,
Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I have no clue what it is!
While Pat and his son were staring with amazement, a fat old lady came to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady got between them and got into a small room.
The walls magically closed, and the boy and his father watched in amazement as the small numbers above the wall lit up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and the numbers began to light in reverse order.
The door opened, and a young blonde stepped out.
Pat, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…
Go get your mother
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The barman says to Paddy, “Your glass is empty; fancy another one?” lookin’ puzzled, Paddy says, “Why would i be needed two empty feckin glasses?”
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Paddy says to Mary if you were stranded on a desert island, who would you like most to be with you?”
“My uncle Mick” replies Paddy.
“What’s so special about him?” asks Mary.
“He’s got a boat,” says Paddy
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“Young man,” said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant.” It’s alcohol and alcohol alone that’s responsible for your present sorry state!” I’m glad to hear you say that,” replied Murphy, with a sigh of relief.” Everybody else says it’s all my fault!”
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An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church…
‘Father’, he confessed,’ it been one month now since my last confession…
I was intimate with Fanny Green twice last month ..’ The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven .. Go out and say three Hail Marys..’
Soon after that, Another Irish man entered the confessional. ‘Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I’ve had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months ..’
This time, the priest questioned, ‘Who IS this Fanny Green .. ?’ ‘A new woman in the neighbourhood, father, he replied. …
‘Very well’, sighed the priest .. Go and say ten Hail Marys’… At Mass the following day, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall,
A voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary… The eyes of every man in the Church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the Altar boy and whispered, ‘Is That Fanny Green …?’
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn’t believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,’ No, Father, I think it’s just a Reflection from her shoes’…!!’
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Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby.
And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments. He hears a priest come in. “Father, forgive I think its been a while since I’ve been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side!”
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Paddy and Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night. They decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel chipping away at one of the headstones. “Jaysus Man, ya frightened the life outa us”
Paddy called as he caught his breath. ”You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?” Joseph called. “My friends are such fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelt my name, and here I have to correct it!”
