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One thing I learned about "Fantasy Camp", which basically is "baseball for old folks who shouldn't be playing baseball", is the level of competition and intensity.  It's somehow spot on target, for me.  We're all trying to do our best, none of us would smile after a K, we get after it.  But we also appreciate a great play by an opponent.

This past year I was pitching and the first batter swatter one hard down the line in LF for a triple.  I was backing up third, and told him "Nice hit".  I wasn't smiling, I didn't high five him, and I understand some of these 30 year olds are simply a LOT better than I am (duh).  I somehow magically stranded him at third.

I used to coach a lot of rec level sports, and I think I "overdid" it some on the intensity side at times.  But none of my players then would be smiling after a screw up.  It was "Get'em next time.".

What struck me was how many times after those strikeouts our girls would run back to the dugout smiling and start joking with their teammates.  I don’t want them running back to the dugout bawling but I didn’t love the look of them smiling and laughing after strikeouts either.

I’ll be honest.  I wanted to strangle her.  I want a high school softball game to have its proper place but I need more of a competitive spirit than that.  Not sure my daughter’s team is finding that middle ground right now.

IMO that social mind set was creeping in for a while - "the participation trophy" if you will. Since it is a game and amateur one at that especially in female school TEAM sports where evidently they smile at success and failure. Perhaps it's a gentle,juvenile psycholgical weapon to reason away personal failure as to not damage a delicate ego(I'm not being sarcastic). In male sports or at least the coaches I grew up with would have a that guy smiling on the bench - and there were plenty of replacements.

  I wonder if you see that attitude in non team sports with that same person where personal accountability would stand out? Like tennis,golf I wouldn't advise fencing for her. She'll have devise a different mental approach if she plans on being successful later on in business or in Health care for instance. Where an "oopsie" with a patient could get one dead and herself sued

I’m interested in what you were feeling when you wanted to “strangle” a kid that it doesn’t sound like is your daughter. I know that was said for effect, but it might say something about how you’re taking this in.

I guess I would say this, it’s on the coach to provide that seriousness. It’s on the parent to provide reasonable support (a difficult middle ground in its own right). If it becomes a theme, maybe see if others are bothered by it. If it turns out this program is just lackadaisical, I guess it depends how your daughter feels about it. As much as sports can impart life lessons, there’s also a chance for kids to play a game and hang out with their friends. The depth and intensity depends so much on the people and frankly the team quality.

I am recalling my daughter's HS softball team back in the day.  The opposing pitching was remarkably good, usually, and we'd often be "no hit".  My daughter was a very good athlete but couldn't hit most of the pitching (nor could I).  They probably finished the year something like 2-14 or so, I don't recall anyone being cheerful about losing or playing poorly.  They realized they were over matched, but played as best they could.

She still has a good arm, I throw with her when we're together.  

I’m interested in what you were feeling when you wanted to “strangle” a kid that it doesn’t sound like is your daughter. I know that was said for effect, but it might say something about how you’re taking this in.

I guess I would say this, it’s on the coach to provide that seriousness. It’s on the parent to provide reasonable support (a difficult middle ground in its own right). If it becomes a theme, maybe see if others are bothered by it. If it turns out this program is just lackadaisical, I guess it depends how your daughter feels about it. As much as sports can impart life lessons, there’s also a chance for kids to play a game and hang out with their friends. The depth and intensity depends so much on the people and frankly the team quality.

Well, yeah, “strangle” was definitely meant for effect.  I think for me it was a culmination of seeing a lot of kids having that attitude and then ending the game with a strikeout and seemingly not caring.  I want my  kids to have fun playing a sport, but I also want them to win. I want them to have teammates who want to win.  It was weird. They have played 5 games now with varying success (2-3) but that’s the first time I’ve seen a lot of smiles after strikeouts.

I also wonder if that’s a defense mechanism.  Maybe she had to laugh so she wouldn’t cry.  No one wants to strike out to end a game that you could have possibly been the hero of.  Idk.

I asked my daughter after the game what the coach said and she said she got on them pretty good.  Not for smiling or laughing necessarily but just not being locked in.  She was constantly telling them to lay off high pitches, but they continued to swing at them.  Then they would just watch strikes go by.  Not always understanding the count, either.  Had a couple instances where kids were taking borderline pitches with two strikes and then swinging at crap when they were ahead in the count.

Just wanted to hear my some different perspectives.  I know this is the counter to the parents screaming at their kids and umpires, and players fighting each other, but there should be a middle ground there.

I had two daughters that both played multiple sports in HS. Both were state champion power lifters, played volleyball and ran track. The oldest was an all state sprinter her junior and senior year. She was also the kind of person that wanted to kick your ass if it was a competition weather it be sprinting or playing checkers.

My youngest daughter was actually stronger than her older sister, but only won the state power lifting title once compared to my oldest that won all four years (different weight classes). The youngest was also a better volleyball player than the older but did not have the same success in track.  My youngest was more even keeled playing sports. While she desperately wanted to win, when the game was over, she was right back to the same, kind hearted girl as she was prior to the game. She was more likely to strike up conversation with the other team in an attempt to make friends were my older would just have to walk away to keep from fighting. 

My oldest also got into trouble with her volleyball coach her junior year as she was getting on other players for being out of position and not hustling during play. The VB coach seemed that she just wanted the girls to be pretty and nice and playing VB was secondary. It caused my oldest to not want to play her senior year until the school hired a new coach. 

As a parent, it was hard watching this unfold. I wanted to stick up for my daughter to the coach, but didn't want to be "that guy" that was the one yelling and making a fool of themselves as I was also a member of the School Board. So I mostly sat in silence during the games. I did approach the AD about the coaches attitude, but I think it mostly fell on deaf ears. 

Both girls also played JO VB which meant that they were playing on teams full of girls that were very good and played to win. They had the most fun there. 

From all of this I came the conclusion that in school sports, and especially at small schools such as the ones my kids attended, girls took a different attitude towards games than the boys did. A lot of girls just wanted to be part of the team, wear the uniform and hang with the other girls. Winning was secondary to that. It's been 15 years since my oldest graduated HS and I see some of her former teammates from time to time. Most of them are very well adjusted, successful and appear to be happily married. So in the end, did their attitudes toward sports really matter? I don't think so. 

When I played sports, it was not fun unless we were winning.

"Fun is winning, and winning is fun."

- Ozzie Guillen

In applying this to the smiling strikeout victim, you have to be good at a sport in order to have the expectation of success, which upsets you when it's not met.

That girl simply didn't think she'd succeed.  And she was right.
Athletes get pissy when they expect to win, based on being talented, and fail to do so.