I once dated a girl with a twin and people always asked me how I could tell them apart....It was simple, Alison painted her nails red, and Bob had a beard.
Pro Tip #22: Ring your own doorbell on your way to bed. This will clear the dogs off the bed.
I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting. Anonymous my ass. I knew everyone there!!
I just asked myself if I'm crazy, and 'We all said No!'
Being a 'little older', I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me everyday. He is from India and he is very concerned about someone scamming me and hacking into my Computer/Banking details. He is always helpful and asks for my Password to fix my problem.
I told my wife she should 'embrace her mistakes'.....She gave me a big hug.
A Genie granted me one wish, so I said "I just want to be happy". So now I'm living in a little cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine. ‘Whistle while you work...'
and finally...
I took my 8 year old daughter to the office on 'take your kid to work day'. But when we walked into the office she started to cry. As concerned staff gathered around I asked her what was wrong and she said: "Daddy where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”
