Perhaps the BEST B1G Forum anywhere, here at College Football Fan Site, CFB51!!!

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks


2. Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Phone home: 0.001%

There is some wisdom here...
* Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

* The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

* Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.

* When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

* Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”

* If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.

* “Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo."

* Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

* I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.

* Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3,I picked boogers and offered them to others.

* Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

* So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

*If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

* You don't need anger management. You need people to stop irritating you.

* Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

* Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.

* It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.

* Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

* "One for the road" means taking a leak before you leave the house.

It's fine to eat a test grape in the produce section, but you take one bite of  rotisserie  chicken and it's all, "Sir, you need to leave!" 

When I was a kid, I used to watch the ‘Wizard of Oz’ & wonder how someone could talk if they didn't have a brain. Then I got Facebook.

I love bacon.  Sometimes I eat it twice a day.  It takes my mind off the terrible chest pains I keep getting.


As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I am sure of is that it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Ask your doctor if a drug with 32 pages of side effects is bad for you.

The best way to get back on your feet is to miss two car payments.


Driver:  "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?"  Officer, "Keep it. When you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

One thing no one ever talks about, when it comes to being an older adult, is how much time we devote to keeping a cardboard box because it is, you know, a really good box.

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today.  That's seven years in a row, now.

If you dropped something when you were younger, you just picked it up.  When you're older and you drop something, you stare at it for just a bit contemplating if you actually need it anymore.

I like to make lists.  I also like to leave them lying on the kitchen counter, and then guess what's on the list when I am at the store.

I just read a book about marriage that says treat your wife like you treated her on your first date.  So, tonight after dinner I'm dropping her off at her parent's house.


I want to be 14 again & ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation with "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.

[img width=384.991 height=499.997]https://i.imgur.com/wV93Mjo.jpg[/img]

A Canadienne tuxedo? 

Mom jorts? 

What in the world is going on around here.