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Topic: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness

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Cincydawg

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #392 on: February 20, 2019, 10:28:30 AM »
I used to tell my kids "The hardest thing to be in life is yourself.", and of course they'd "WUT?".

Now they chuckle when telling me that same thing.

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betarhoalphadelta

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #393 on: February 20, 2019, 10:44:44 AM »
Like Cincy, I definitely ignored some warning signs the first time around... And a lot of it, I think, came from two things:

  • In college, I was never exactly a ladies' man. I was awkward, and frankly didn't know what I was doing. So when I graduated and moved to California, and met a girl who I thought was totally into me [turns out one of those red flags that I missed was just how into herself she was], I had very much the same "it's the best I'll probably do" moment. Which was stupid at 22 years old. 
  • My natural personality is one where I want to fix things and make things better for others. I wanted to make her happy. I think she was at the point in life that she was "ready to be married", and so I thought giving her that would make her happy. Again, that is another one of those red flags I missed... You don't get married because "it's time to do this now", you get married because you can't imagine your life without that other person in it. For me it was too much of "well we've dated X amount of time and things need to progress or we're stagnant" and for her was "might as well get my claws in this engineer who can give me stuff", and that just didn't work.

When my now wife and I met, I didn't particularly think I was ready for a long-term relationship, and I frankly didn't care about trying to be. Coming off a divorce, I expected I'd have 5+ years of sorting through all sorts of psychos and crazies in SoCal, and knew that if I did that and was having fun and none of them worked out, I'd be just fine with that. My wife was coming off a relationship where the guy was a liar and a cheat, and she was looking for someone fun to date and specifically told her friends she wanted a "no feels" guy. And then we just hit it off perfectly.

So yeah, I would say that for my ex, one of those red flags was "well it's time to settle down"... You don't want that to be your own red flag. You don't have to settle down and find someone now that your career is where you want it. Go out, play the field, meet as many women as you can. And if one of them works, great. If they don't, it's better to move on rather that saddle yourself with a relationship with the wrong one. 
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betarhoalphadelta

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #394 on: February 20, 2019, 10:52:02 AM »
On that note, I will offer some real, practical advice: the 90-day rule. 

This one came from a buddy who, after a messed up divorce from a woman he married too young when he lived abroad and was homesick, was single from about the age of 25 or so until 38 when he married the right one. He dated a LOT of women over that stretch, to the point that he developed what he calls the 90-day rule. 

If you've been dating 90 days and you don't see a real, legitimate future with her, to the point where you actually think she's "marriage material", break it off at 90 days. 

That's not to say that every girl that makes it past 90 days is a soul mate, but if you can definitively say that it's a no-go at 90 days, it's not going to get better. Doesn't matter if there are positive things about her. Doesn't matter if the sex is mind-blowing. Doesn't matter if she's ridiculously hot and looks great on your arm. If you get to 90 days and you know she's not the one, don't waste her [or your] time. Taking a woman who you believe isn't right at 90 days and continuing it on risks you getting stuck with her because eventually both of you get so entwined that neither wants to break it off but neither really wants it to continue, and that's a recipe for unhappiness down the road. Rip the bandaid off at 90 days and move on instead. 
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Cincydawg

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #395 on: February 20, 2019, 11:33:35 AM »
Wow, some similar experiences indeed.  We are not alone.  
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847badgerfan

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #396 on: February 20, 2019, 11:34:59 AM »
Mostly the same here. Just too young and too stupid. Pretty damn happy now though. Not sure how it could possibly be better.
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Cincydawg

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #397 on: February 20, 2019, 11:36:30 AM »
We grow too soon old and too slow smart.

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FearlessF

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #398 on: February 20, 2019, 12:56:25 PM »
you already have plenty of "sound" advice from CincyDawg and MaximumSam

so, this bachelor won't offer

I'm a knucklehead, ask any of the women I've dated
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847badgerfan

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #399 on: February 20, 2019, 01:17:50 PM »
Quote from: Brutus Buckeye on February 20, 2019, 07:10:00 AM
I am somewhat surprised that Badge uses a microwave.
Hah! I missed this one. That is actually a GE Café Advantium. There is one in my rental too. Anyway, I bought it because it was a convection oven (can always use an extra oven), a broiler, a proofing machine and, yes, a microwave. It has a special base you can put in and make perfect bacon (in 4 minutes), or sear the perfect fish or veggies or anything else. The thing is amazing.

https://products.geappliances.com/appliance/gea-specs/PSA9240SFSS

That's the Profile Advantium in the picture (Café is a little better). I strongly recommend one of these, regardless of which.
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847badgerfan

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #400 on: February 20, 2019, 01:21:02 PM »
By the way, I LOVE the 90 days rule. Sometimes it doesn't take that long, but if it does, I agree. Cut the cord before the cord cuts you.
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betarhoalphadelta

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #401 on: February 20, 2019, 01:33:15 PM »
Quote from: 847badgerfan on February 20, 2019, 01:21:02 PM
By the way, I LOVE the 90 days rule. Sometimes it doesn't take that long, but if it does, I agree. Cut the cord before the cord cuts you.
It sounds like a joke when you first hear about the rule, but when you start thinking about it, it's quite brilliant. It really does make a lot of sense and will stop a lot of people from getting pulled into something they'll eventually have a tough time getting out of.
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847badgerfan

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #402 on: February 20, 2019, 01:46:32 PM »
I applied the rule many times, without knowing the rule. Heh.
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MrNubbz

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #403 on: February 20, 2019, 02:02:24 PM »
Quote from: bwarbiany on February 20, 2019, 10:52:02 AM
On that note, I will offer some real, practical advice: the 90-day rule.

If you've been dating 90 days and you don't see a real, legitimate future with her, to the point where you actually think she's "marriage material", break it off at 90 days.
Wish I would have thought about that with my Bookie
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FearlessF

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #404 on: February 20, 2019, 02:08:12 PM »
more like 60 days for me
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Brutus Buckeye

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Re: 2019 Offseason Stream of Unconsciousness
« Reply #405 on: February 20, 2019, 02:09:30 PM »
Quote from: bwarbiany on February 20, 2019, 01:33:15 PM
It sounds like a joke when you first hear about the rule, but when you start thinking about it, it's quite brilliant. It really does make a lot of sense and will stop a lot of people from getting pulled into something they'll eventually have a tough time getting out of.
That's not bad. 
I dated a chick once that looked good and really knew her way around the mattress, but she was crazy as Hell and meaner than a snake. So I tried to break it off early, and she just begged me to give her another chance. So for a while she was just sweet as can be, but you could tell that it pained her to be that way and that it was totally inauthentic. So finally I was just done, and she was like "thanks for wasting my time, why didn't you just break it off from the get go?" I'm like "What? Do you not remember when... aw, never mind. It's not you, it's me. Please don't cut my brakes." 
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