nostalgia -- Ole Miss. Doesn't matter that they've been irrelevant for decades at at time. Screw those guys forever. My feelings about them are non-negotiable. By genetic design, I hate them. It's science.
biggest thorn in the side -- Bama. Still a flavor of the month thing for my age group. Didn't hate them when they sucked, won't hate them when Saban leaves. But for now they're the obstacle that prevented 1 (and likely more) NC's during the best stretch of school history.
contrived guilty pleasure -- Florida. No, LSU/Florida is not historically a thing, and I shouldn't care about them. But they're so fun to hate, and the game has been must-see drama more often that not, even when one or both of them suck.
I can't believe Auburn is not in the top 3. Hate-meter still moves pretty good for them though.