Back in the early 1920s, two guys named Tom and John were traveling across America, trying to get to California to start a new life. At some point during their journey, they found themselves in the middle of the world’s largest cornfield, and they were quite hungry. Iowa didn’t have too many restaurants back in the 1920s, but they did have a few supper clubs. The chef at one of these supper club was fairly new. His name was Grant, and he was trying to save up enough money to move out of his mother’s basement. Being a very determined individual, Grant didn’t let the fact that he sucked at cooking deter him in any way. After all, nobody in Iowa could cook anyway, so he didn’t feel very out of place.Like most Iowans, young Grant thought that Iowa was the center of the universe. Considering the fact that Jesus traveled further from home on the back of a donkey than most Iowans will ever travel with modern conveyances, this Iowa-centric mindset almost makes sense. In the worldview of a typical Iowan, the best tenderloins, pizza, and beef all come from Iowa, and every other state over-seasons their food. Iowans also think they own the concept of the breaded pork tenderloin and rarely give Indiana credit, although the tenderloins in Indiana are much better than any you will ever find in Iowa. After looking at the menu, Tom and John were very much disappointed. Neither one of them particularly liked the idea of eating an unseasoned, deep fried pork tenderloin, and the boiled ribs, unseasoned fried chicken, bland pizza and cottage cheese didn’t sound very appetizing to them either. Not wanting to leave hungry, the two men asked the waitress if they could speak to the chef.
When Grant arrived at the table, the men explained that they had just come to America from Greece. They informed Grant that unseasoned Iowa food was not going to be acceptable, and they asked if he could come up with a dish that was more suitable for a normal human palate. Grant thought about it for a minute, and he realized that the resources he had available in the Iowa supper club’s kitchen were very limited. The only spice they had on hand was pumpkin spice, and the only other meat they had was in some canned chili. Even as far back as the 1920’s Iowans were lazy and couldn’t cook. Since Sysco didn’t exist yet, they just bought everything in jars from the Amish people who lived nearby.
In an attempt to please his Greek guests, Grant decided to experiment with the pumpkin spice in the chili. After dumping some pumpkin spice in the canned Amish chili, Grant realized that what he had just made didn’t taste very Greek. He had never been to Greece, but he knew from school that it was somewhere close to Italy. Being the quick thinker that he was, Grant grabbed some spaghetti noodles that he was going to use to make pasta salad. He then dumped the pumpkin spiced Amish chili on top of the spaghetti noodles. At this point, Grant was very proud of what he had accomplished and decided to serve the dish to his Greek guests.
As you can imagine, these well-cultured Greek immigrants were not very impressed with the uncultured Iowan attempt at “Greek” food. Worried that the food could keep getting worse as they progressed deeper into corn country, the two men decided to leave Iowa forever, and they turned back east. They eventually settled in Cincinnati, where they made some slight improvements on the unseasoned Amish canned chili from Iowa and became very rich. Grant decided that he wasn’t cut out for the cooking business. After seeing the sad faces on an elderly couple who just ate his bland fried chicken, he painted a picture of them standing in front of a farmhouse with a pitchfork. His work was a hit, and he never had to cook again.
