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Topic: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?

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rolltidefan

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #14 on: July 31, 2019, 10:56:50 AM »
we recently had to have our dog of 13 years put down due to cancer/internal bleeding. happened very suddenly for us (on 4th of july, no less). didn't know he had cancer until it was hemorrhaging.

we just told them the truth. we gave our kids options on how "involved" they wanted to be. they all chose to be in room for a long while, but not while he was given shot/passing. we let them grieve for a long time, but at some point it became clear it was enough. we didn't just cut it off cold, but we started steering the thoughts/discussions away from wailing/grieving.

tbh, i think it hit me harder than them though. we had a burial/funeral for him the next morning. the night he died, i couldn't sleep, so i made him a casket (do some woodworking on side/hobby). all weekend i could only think 2 things: 1 - i missed my dog, 2 - i don't know how people who lose children survive.

sorry about your dog, btw. it sucks.

FearlessF

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #15 on: July 31, 2019, 11:26:03 AM »
It's probably wise not to give definitive advice to other parents with other children on such a topic, though one can state what one did himself in the past.

I was always upfront on such things.  My kids seemed to be resilient, they forgot about it in a day or so apparently.  I was not very touchy feely I suppose.

Not having a wife was at times a great benefit, especially THAT wife.
Ed Zachery

All 3 statements
"Courage; Generosity; Fairness; Honor; In these are the true awards of manly sport."

utee94

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #16 on: July 31, 2019, 11:30:55 AM »
Ed Zachery

All 3 statements

Definitely agree, which is why I just offered up how we handled it.  

Nobody has any business telling others how to raise their children. All I can do is give examples of how I chose to soothe my own kids.  Like I said, they're resilient, they bounced back.  I spent a lot more energy and angst worrying over how they were taking it, than they spent on the actual event.  Which is what parents do.

FearlessF

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #17 on: July 31, 2019, 11:37:41 AM »
hah, I remember my mother having that happen.  She sat me down to tell me the horrible news of my dog getting run over by the milk truck.

Told me how it happened, told me it was OK to feel sad and it was OK to cry.....

I asked her if she was done if I could go outside to play with my friends

I was not very touchy feely I suppose.
"Courage; Generosity; Fairness; Honor; In these are the true awards of manly sport."

847badgerfan

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #18 on: July 31, 2019, 11:57:17 AM »
Definitely agree, which is why I just offered up how we handled it. 

Nobody has any business telling others how to raise their children. All I can do is give examples of how I chose to soothe my own kids.  Like I said, they're resilient, they bounced back.  I spent a lot more energy and angst worrying over how they were taking it, than they spent on the actual event.  Which is what parents do.
What if it's painfully obvious that they shouldn't have had children?

How come you need a marriage license, but not a children license?

As to the topic, I have no experience with it. Like MH, I'm a "no pet" person. I guess if I had to do it, I'd just be honest and hit it head on. No fluff.
U RAH RAH! WIS CON SIN!

FearlessF

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #19 on: July 31, 2019, 11:59:25 AM »
pets or people, there's loss and grief

I'm one that feels people are different/more important than pets/animals, but not everyone feels that way
"Courage; Generosity; Fairness; Honor; In these are the true awards of manly sport."

utee94

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #20 on: July 31, 2019, 12:03:02 PM »
What if it's painfully obvious that they shouldn't have had children?

How come you need a marriage license, but not a children license?

As to the topic, I have no experience with it. Like MH, I'm a "no pet" person. I guess if I had to do it, I'd just be honest and hit it head on. No fluff.
Ha!  And who gets to make that determination?  I'm fine with it, as long as it's me.  Which is of course the way everyone feels.

What I find most hilarious, is when someone with no children, tells someone with children, how to raise children.  That's genuine LOL funny right there.

MrNubbz

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #21 on: July 31, 2019, 12:06:18 PM »
You misunderstand OAM. There's no kitty heaven because cats are assholes.

There is kitty hell. AKA doggy heaven.

"The longer I live, the more convinced am I that this planet is used by other planets as a lunatic asylum." - George Bernard Shaw

FearlessF

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #22 on: July 31, 2019, 12:06:30 PM »
well, parents that leave their children in a locked car, no matter the temp or season, obviously need some pointers

there are many other horrible examples, but that should make the point
"Courage; Generosity; Fairness; Honor; In these are the true awards of manly sport."

utee94

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #23 on: July 31, 2019, 12:15:34 PM »
well, parents that leave their children in a locked car, no matter the temp or season, obviously need some pointers

there are many other horrible examples, but that should make the point

It's a case of reductio ad absurdum, so not really worthy of being argued, when the context of this discussion is, "how should a parent tell a child about the loss of a pet."

Drew4UTk

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #24 on: July 31, 2019, 12:30:21 PM »
i talk a lot of shizen, especially in a51... rarely do i reveal something that is absolutely how i figure something to be... Pets, and pets passing in something i do take serious and don't BS about... 

the way i think is gonna be different than most, and i don't mind.  here goes:

we don't 'own' pets.  we coexist with them, just like we do people.  the way we treat them reveals the way we would treat the world if given the opportunity and less the social constructs that are the sole factor that keeps some people in line.  Pets, especially, represent 'experiments' where we can actually observe the entire lifespan and in a short (relative) period.  Like anything else on this planet, they and everything else are temporary- it's up to you how you interact with them while they're here.  you can offer them a better life than they would have had, or you can make them miserable.  You can build a relationship, which all things should enjoy in some way while they're here, or you can ignore them.  all the while, you aren't going to stop the cycle of life, and, you are 'practicing' how you interact with those having their own independent experience- and influencing, however slightly, how they move forward in their own interactions after you're absent... you can do it kind, mean, apathetic or with empathy.... you reveal yourself whether you know it or not, and people notice (the most important person noticing ought to be you). 

it's in this vane, however uncomfortable, that you gauge how you're helping your child develop.  

while the pet is passing, the take away is an evaluation of the relationship- and the most important is if a person is proud of that or not... sad, yeah- it's also an experience we should all have- and often enough to remind us how important relationships are (hopefully).  pets, in particular, are a great way of isolating our own God complex- "did i give them a good life, mistakes aside?"  life and death is out of our jurisdiction (hopefully), but the value of our interaction is on display when something or someone passes.  pets passing is but full contact practice and ought to put those emotionally entwined on notice of what they are or are becoming.      

betarhoalphadelta

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #25 on: July 31, 2019, 01:12:00 PM »
pets or people, there's loss and grief

I'm one that feels people are different/more important than pets/animals, but not everyone feels that way
I like pets a lot more than people. 

utee94

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #26 on: July 31, 2019, 01:46:01 PM »
Hear, hear.

FearlessF

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Re: OT - Death of a Pet & How to Tell Young Kids?
« Reply #27 on: July 31, 2019, 02:24:21 PM »
I'm good buddies with my daughter's dog that lives in my home

but, I've thought seriously about causing his death more than a few times
"Courage; Generosity; Fairness; Honor; In these are the true awards of manly sport."

 

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