i should have figured you'd have identity problems being known by so many names in these here circles... it's your style, friend, that you can't escape no matter what we call you. And that's the reason we're gonna know who you are no matter how it is you figure you're identified. Butt Hole Surfers- "you never know just how you look through other people's eyes".
so- I see you as a jovial feller who takes things just about as serious as they ought to be taken, which believe it or not gives a touch of tact to how i present myself in real life. I also see your brand of humor as a refreshing and a grounded vantage that still has ability to surprise- hence the humor part- though you ain't left the same reality we're all experiencing. that last bit "we're all experiencing" is the key to it.... your contributions round here and in our former government subsidized and/or bailed out digs of CFN and Scout now CBS/247 have always been binding- binding your world to my (our?) own and letting air and light into a space occupied by like minded (though often demented in a wonderful way) folks, which is the agent that binds this community.
way i got it figured, this set of skills you got that allows you to get by with antics like that without hardly anyone noticing (or maybe they just never said anything? am i breaking a code here?) can't possibly be limited to just here- which means you most likely have a similar appeal to those in your real world.... and that means they've defined you too.. i'm the only jerk willing to say it aloud.
point is it doesn't really matter- definitions, that is- because you don't get to do that. we do. and more to the point, in spite of the better greek tragedy's where the hero falls from grace, that's particularly difficult to reverse engineer in this electronic space. you're stuck with who you are and how we've defined you.
knowing now the nature of your predicament, I had a friend diagnosed with something akin- his was triggered by strenuous exercise, but to the same ends. very nasty. i'm at a loss of words to express how even to acknowledge it.
i once woke up an otter that got itself all snagged up in a trap. i thought he was dead at first, 'till i heard it snore... usually those critters either could care less about you or they poke around you trying to figure you out, and they almost always do comical things. this one was different in disposition on the count i figure he held me personally responsible for that trap he was in... it took some strong persuasion to get him headed in the other direction. i imagine after a brief recovery and pondering the more important things in his world, he once again found his curiosity of humans... just not on that day. that confusion sounds something like and similar at least to what you describe - but unlike you, that otter, or those hero's in the greek tragedy's, you cain't be judging yourself by a single event as compared to your entire span- not while your still shy of the event horizon, anyway.
and not while there is a helluva (I know you texan's love that word) lotta fun to still be had.
on a more direct and uninvited note: don't let yer pride get in the way of LETTING your people help you.... that SoB has a fascinating way of masquerading as 'burden' at times like these. they're there, and they no doubt want to help. lettin' them might not be easy.
