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Topic: OT- Dressing Up

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Kris60

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OT- Dressing Up
« on: January 07, 2019, 02:06:49 PM »
I thought this might be a half way interesting off season topic.  My wife recently attended the funeral of a guy who used to serve on the board of the clinic where she works.  When she got back she was telling me about the number of people who were there wearing jeans, sneakers, baseball hats, etc.

It’s a trend we had started noticing a couple of years ago when the church we were attending at the time would frequently have people in cargo shorts, tee shirts, and flip flops.   The question we had was what occasion these days is important enough to dress up for?  Because it seems like those occasions are fewer and fewer.

Now, before anyone gets the wrong impression I’m not snobbish or trying to impress anyone or anything like that. I understand not everyone has dress clothes.  I also understand sometimes a tight schedule prevents someone from changing before they attend a formal event like church, wedding, funeral, etc.  I’m fine with that.  I’d rather someone go to church in shorts than not attend.  But if you have the clothes and the time to change is it a sign of disrespect to attend in casual attire?


ELA

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2019, 02:17:41 PM »
I think church is very casual.  I don't think I've seen people underdressed at any wedding or funeral I've been to though.

I will say, we used to live across the street from a cemetery right after law school, and when I was home job searching, I saw several people wear Steelers jerseys to funerals.  Granted, they were classy, home blacks, not road whites, as is custom.  But I've never seen any adult male not in a suit at a wedding or funeral I've been to.

SFBadger96

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2019, 02:25:15 PM »
Interesting topic.

I work in a "business casual" environment; this field was not business casual when I was a kid. Nor was church.
At work, we are trending even less formal. The younger people with real job security already wear jeans (or something close to that) up to 50% of the time. For people with less job security, it's still probably about 20% (outside of casual Friday, which is really just "jeans" Friday). I wish we would go to jeans whenever. There's no reason we need to be more dressed than that on a regular basis. But shorts and t-shirts would be too far.

In general I like the change toward more casual, but respect for where you are still matters. 

For me, church has become business casual, and I like it--but not for a funeral (or a wedding). My version of God doesn't care if I'm wearing a tie, but I think I should show some modicum of respect. For a funeral, I don't think anything less than a dark suit is appropriate. For a wedding, if it is at a church, a suit is required.

For people who truly don't have a choice, wear whatever they have, but if you have a choice, church (and government buildings) require something that shows respect.


MarqHusker

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2019, 02:26:04 PM »
A funeral for one of my child hood friends' father was fairly casual.  His Dad was involved in some not so nice activity, and hung around some questionable characters, it was full of jeans, leather, some skin, bandanas hats etc.

Weddings,  I've seen it all, both by design, and just poor taste by the guest.

SFBadger96

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2019, 02:28:53 PM »
Yeah, weddings are all over the place, but I think as long as it is in keeping with the couple getting married, you're good. But if they are in a church, chances are a suit is appropriate.

Kris60

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2019, 02:33:06 PM »
I think church is very casual.  I don't think I've seen people underdressed at any wedding or funeral I've been to though.

I will say, we used to live across the street from a cemetery right after law school, and when I was home job searching, I saw several people wear Steelers jerseys to funerals.  Granted, they were classy, home blacks, not road whites, as is custom.  But I've never seen any adult male not in a suit at a wedding or funeral I've been to.
I would say the last few funerals I’ve attended there are as many men not in suits than in suits.  A few jeans and a lot of khakis, cargo pants, polos, sweaters, stuff like that.  And at the risk of sounding hypocritical I rarely wear a tie to church.  I wear dress pants with a pullover or button down or something like that.
I could never bring myself to go to a church service in cargo shorts and flip flops though and the church we attended for a while had a lot of people do that.  
« Last Edit: January 07, 2019, 02:35:21 PM by Kris60 »

Kris60

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2019, 02:34:46 PM »
Interesting topic.

I work in a "business casual" environment; this field was not business casual when I was a kid. Nor was church.
At work, we are trending even less formal. The younger people with real job security already wear jeans (or something close to that) up to 50% of the time. For people with less job security, it's still probably about 20% (outside of casual Friday, which is really just "jeans" Friday). I wish we would go to jeans whenever. There's no reason we need to be more dressed than that on a regular basis. But shorts and t-shirts would be too far.

In general I like the change toward more casual, but respect for where you are still matters.

For me, church has become business casual, and I like it--but not for a funeral (or a wedding). My version of God doesn't care if I'm wearing a tie, but I think I should show some modicum of respect. For a funeral, I don't think anything less than a dark suit is appropriate. For a wedding, if it is at a church, a suit is required.

For people who truly don't have a choice, wear whatever they have, but if you have a choice, church (and government buildings) require something that shows respect.


Yes to everything you said.  That’s basically how I feel.

bwarbiany

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2019, 02:55:28 PM »
I think a funeral should be formal. For a wedding the default is a suit, unless the hosts officially declare otherwise. Which is becoming more and more common, and I applaud that, but the default is a suit. 

Beyond those, I find almost no reason to ever wear anything beyond jeans. Now, I'm not talking ratty jeans with a brewery t-shirt and flip flops... For a more "dressy" occasion it'll typically be dark denim [not black], a button-down shirt [long or short sleeve depending on the occasion] or a polo, and proper black or brown shoes. 

In general, though, things are a LOT less formal here on the West Coast... Some of what is commonplace here would be seen as too casual in some areas back East...

MrNubbz

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #8 on: January 07, 2019, 03:04:43 PM »
Be respectful,tidy and clean and you're good IMO.Had to attend a funeral friday I wore a suit/tie - that took me a half hour to knot.Just found out a retired co-worker passed away last nite.So I'm attending another funeral in the next week
"The problem with the Rat Race is,even if you win you're still just a Rat" - Lily Tomlin

Drew4UTk

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #9 on: January 07, 2019, 03:44:22 PM »
every day of my life i wear 5.11 tactical pants... T-shirts on days off, and one of my (what I tell people) $1200 shirts (which is to say 12 of them for $100).  :)

I can't imagine not wearing a suit to a funeral.  every man should own at least one suit, and if only one it should be black or dark gray- for that purpose.  

what is killing me is the current fashion to wear what amounts to sneakers with suits... wha?  just like in the military, much can be told about a person by the way they maintain their footwear- there is no replacement for polished leather. 

eh... it's a peeve... I'll shut up now. 

MarqHusker

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #10 on: January 07, 2019, 04:09:15 PM »
I wish we could keep women from wearing Yoga pants all over public.  It isn't hot and it isn't sexy, it looks ridiculous when you've got a 'normal ' top on, a jacket and your fancy handbag .  

JerseyTerrapin

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #11 on: January 07, 2019, 08:43:33 PM »
I often wonder about that, too.  I'd need Medina to do a spreadsheet, but sometimes I look at the formal-to-casual rate over my lifetime and wonder what people will be wearing in twenty years.

I'd hate to think I'm snobbish, but somehow it bothers me to see people show up at a hotel breakfast bar with bedhead, nasty shirt, gigantic basketball shorts and flip-flops.  I guess I am some kind of snob, actually, huh?

WhiskeyM

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #12 on: January 07, 2019, 11:21:01 PM »
I wish we could keep women from wearing Yoga pants all over public.  It isn't hot and it isn't sexy, it looks ridiculous when you've got a 'normal ' top on, a jacket and your fancy handbag .  
Lol, this is funny.  You almost had me for a second.

Roaddawg

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2019, 02:13:35 PM »
Just attended a funeral my friend of 30 years older brother, who passed, and the attire was told to be casual dressed, NO shirt and tie.  The only ones wearing a tie wear the funeral home people. The reasoning was that his brother was a jeans/Harley shirt guy, who worked for 25 years as a plumber.  He would not wear formal attire and would not expect it to be at his service.  Fully understand cases like this, but in other areas, like the church I grew up with, has shifted to the shorts/flip flop wardrobe, and I am not a huge fan of the dress down movement.  After wearing a uniform for 20 years and jeans and work shirt attire now, I do not mind the chance to pull out a tie when I can, even thought it may be 10 years out of style!    :)

medinabuckeye1

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #14 on: January 08, 2019, 03:38:54 PM »
Where I work I wear a suit four days a week (casual Fridays being the exception).  

When you guys talk about a funeral, are you talking the actual funeral service or the calling hours?  I do make a distinction there.  Since I wear a suit every day anyway if it is a weekday evening I'll usually just go in my suit (obviously) but if it is a Saturday I'll dress down a little for calling hours.  However, if I'm actually going to the funeral service I'll wear a suit without question.  

UT-Erin03

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #15 on: January 09, 2019, 03:15:20 PM »
The last funeral I attended was for the husband-type's late grandma, who he had actually been estranged from since I have known him, but we went out of family respect.  He wore a suit but that's mostly because we had just bought him a new suit less than 8 months before that for my sister's wedding (he didn't have any suits that fit, and mostly wore khaki pants to other funerals/weddings with button down shirts).  He was working as a HS soccer coach for over two decades and never wore suits, not even for sports banquets at the schools since jeans were OK for those events (which is the most formal it got in his profession).     If he had not had the suit already, I could see him wearing his khaki pants before jeans to the funeral, although there were some other folks in attendance wearing jeans to the service/burial of his grandma.    

I remember as a kid when people dressed semi-nicely, or at least not in PJ's, to fly somewhere but nowadays on planes it seems like most of the females are dressed for bedtime.  
I've definitely noticed the sneakers with suits thing, which always looks really funny to me, too.  But then I'm also aware that those sneakers are probably more $$ than most mens loafers so I figure it's more of an attention-seeking ploy rather than a fashion statement, but who knows anymore... 

Part of me is content with the dress-down trend overall, since comfort is nice and the pressure to meet high expectations with regard to appearances is lowered, but I still think there's a time & place to put the extra effort in and wear something respectable (especially at things like weddings when you may be in photos) and agree it can be disrespectful to look just like any other day unless instructed otherwise for formal/special events. 

Sometimes it feels like this may be an American thing, but I will say that I've noticed a little change in people's clothes in Europe in a decade span of time.  The first time I went in 2003, I noticed there were not a lot of locals wearing sneakers around town (mostly sandals, boots, loafers) and the people that were wearing sneakers were definitely American when I heard them speak.    This past time I went in 2016, I was even in the same city as the first time, and noticed it has shifted and so many people were walking around in Pumas, Adidas, and other sneakers now, not just tourists, even the local women.     So either sneakers are now fashionable and acceptable with suits and I just need to get with the times, or maybe there is an overall global trend to dress more casually than the older generations.  




Geolion91

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #16 on: January 09, 2019, 03:22:02 PM »


For people who truly don't have a choice, wear whatever they have, but if you have a choice, church (and government buildings) require something that shows respect.


I have to laugh at the government building part.  I work for the Federal Government.  My office is generally business casual, but being a geologist, jeans is generally acceptable.  The engineers are happy that our jeans aren't covered in dirt.  I usually wear khakis with a golf shirt or colorful button up, but I'll wear jeans when the weather sucks and I don't have any big meetings.  There have been a few instances where an employee had a talking to by their supervisor if they got a little too casual.
As for weddings and funerals, it varies with the people involved.  My in-laws are fairly rural and those events usually top out with a button up shirt and good jeans.

rolltidefan

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #17 on: January 09, 2019, 04:34:41 PM »
Interesting topic.

I work in a "business casual" environment; this field was not business casual when I was a kid. Nor was church.
At work, we are trending even less formal. The younger people with real job security already wear jeans (or something close to that) up to 50% of the time. For people with less job security, it's still probably about 20% (outside of casual Friday, which is really just "jeans" Friday). I wish we would go to jeans whenever. There's no reason we need to be more dressed than that on a regular basis. But shorts and t-shirts would be too far.

In general I like the change toward more casual, but respect for where you are still matters.

For me, church has become business casual, and I like it--but not for a funeral (or a wedding). My version of God doesn't care if I'm wearing a tie, but I think I should show some modicum of respect. For a funeral, I don't think anything less than a dark suit is appropriate. For a wedding, if it is at a church, a suit is required.

For people who truly don't have a choice, wear whatever they have, but if you have a choice, church (and government buildings) require something that shows respect.


i'm similar, but a little different.
at work it was suit/tie when i first started. now it's business casual, khakis and polo 90% of time. it's transformed over the last 10-15 years, and i couldn't be happier. when i have clients or going to a clients office, i'll do slacks and a button down, maybe a suit on occasion, but if i'm just in office without expecting clients, it's typically khakis and polo.
i'm similar for church, and i completely understand and don't disagree with the respect idea, but we try to keep it very casual. it's supposed to be come as you are, not get fixed up and then come. our volunteers (greeters/sound team/childrens ministry, etc) on sunday are in t-shirts that the church gives them for this very reason. we are located in a poor part of town and have frequent visitors from that area stop in on a random sunday, so we want them to feel comfortable coming in whatever they have.
as for funerals, i've only been to one not in a suit or close to it. and that one was for a friend who would have been pissed we got dressed like that for him. so we all dressed down based on what we believe he would have wanted. that weekend is one of the best/most awful memories i have.

huskerdinie

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #18 on: January 09, 2019, 05:24:41 PM »
I guess I was lucky in the sense that almost all of my jobs since high school were either hospital or other medical settings where I wore scrubs, or fast - food places where I had to wear black jeans and the uniform top.  I did spend five years working for the state and it was business casual there so I wore slacks and a nice top or sweater.  Church was the only place I wore a dress or skirt and I can still remember the hullabaloo when my grandmother first wore dress slacks to church in the 90's.  

I don't even own a black dress anymore and the last funeral I attended was my father's in 2011 (in December) so it was slacks and a dark sweater which nobody could see anyway at the graveside since we were all bundled up in winter gear.  I still felt guilty about not wearing a black dress.  Just the way I raised - dresses for church and weddings / funerals.  

Now that I am retired, I only own jeans and t-shirts with some sweaters or sweatshirts.  You all have reminded me that I need to go get new clothes to wear when we go out for our anniversary dinner; although after 33 years, my hubby would faint if I wore a dress, lol.  Besides, then I'd have to buy new shoes, earrings, etc.  Cheaper to stay home and cook, lol. 
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said,
but I am not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant.  Anonymous

UT-Erin03

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #19 on: January 09, 2019, 05:39:05 PM »
I guess I was lucky in the sense that almost all of my jobs since high school were either hospital or other medical settings where I wore scrubs, or fast - food places where I had to wear black jeans and the uniform top.  I did spend five years working for the state and it was business casual there so I wore slacks and a nice top or sweater.  Church was the only place I wore a dress or skirt and I can still remember the hullabaloo when my grandmother first wore dress slacks to church in the 90's.  

I don't even own a black dress anymore and the last funeral I attended was my father's in 2011 (in December) so it was slacks and a dark sweater which nobody could see anyway at the graveside since we were all bundled up in winter gear.  I still felt guilty about not wearing a black dress.  Just the way I raised - dresses for church and weddings / funerals.  

Now that I am retired, I only own jeans and t-shirts with some sweaters or sweatshirts.  You all have reminded me that I need to go get new clothes to wear when we go out for our anniversary dinner; although after 33 years, my hubby would faint if I wore a dress, lol.  Besides, then I'd have to buy new shoes, earrings, etc.  Cheaper to stay home and cook, lol.
Well, I personally feel more comfy in dresses than jeans, but it could be because I live somewhere where 100+ degree days are a regular occurrence. 
Happy (upcoming) anniversary - 33 years is wonderful!         There's always RentTheRunway for dresses you don't want to buy, which is a good option for looking smashing on a low-budget and then not having to keep a fancy dress in the closet that never gets worn again. 

Drew4UTk

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #20 on: January 09, 2019, 06:32:56 PM »
I guess I was lucky in the sense that almost all of my jobs since high school were either hospital or other medical settings where I wore scrubs, or fast - food places where I had to wear black jeans and the uniform top.  I did spend five years working for the state and it was business casual there so I wore slacks and a nice top or sweater.  Church was the only place I wore a dress or skirt and I can still remember the hullabaloo when my grandmother first wore dress slacks to church in the 90's.  

I don't even own a black dress anymore and the last funeral I attended was my father's in 2011 (in December) so it was slacks and a dark sweater which nobody could see anyway at the graveside since we were all bundled up in winter gear.  I still felt guilty about not wearing a black dress.  Just the way I raised - dresses for church and weddings / funerals.  

Now that I am retired, I only own jeans and t-shirts with some sweaters or sweatshirts.  You all have reminded me that I need to go get new clothes to wear when we go out for our anniversary dinner; although after 33 years, my hubby would faint if I wore a dress, lol.  Besides, then I'd have to buy new shoes, earrings, etc.  Cheaper to stay home and cook, lol.
you remind me of a very valuable lesson i learned about $15k ago... 
My wife an I aren't wealthy... we're not affluent... we are as middle class as they come... however, when we want something we can generally get it without much problem or argument- she trusts me and i trust her, and if she spends it isn't a big deal at all... until one day. 
she asked me one evening if i minded her buying new dishes... i thought it a strange question, but then recalled seeing the price on some of those sets, so i braced myself and asked how much?  She told me and it wasn't shocking at all.... so I told her "babes, if that's what you want...." with authority and if i was telling her to buy a vacation home in Aspen or something... little did I know. 

new dishes require matching cabinets... new cabinets require matching counter tops.. new granite counter tops require matching flooring... flooring requires matching wall paint.. 

I asked her if she maybe should have warned me about the crew who showed up to do this (and who destroyed the ceramic tile floor i spent weekends and nights of an entire winter of my single life installing, along with the ceramic counters) and she looks me dead in the eye, pausing only slightly from whatever she was doing, and says matter-of-factly "you said I could get new dishes".... 

ahh... 

lesson

learned.  

I revisited this dynamic a few weeks later when i asked her if she minded "can i get a new serpentine belt for the truck?"... but it didn't work the same in reverse... she promptly asked "what, are you building another engine or something?".... truth is i was only intent on installing a whipple twin screw supercharger, but... it was proof of the guise in my opinion... 

gents, beware.  

by the way, it's dang fine to see you lady's around again!!!!!  

MarqHusker

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #21 on: January 09, 2019, 10:58:20 PM »
Somehow I've been summoned for jury duty tomorrow.   I take it nobody reviewed my questionnaire yet  (former prosecutor and defense atty briefly).  I'll report my findings on modern day jury attire.

Geolion91

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #22 on: January 10, 2019, 08:03:25 AM »
Well, I personally feel more comfy in dresses than jeans,

I know what you mean....
Did I say that out loud?

SFBadger96

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #23 on: January 10, 2019, 11:22:03 AM »
Somehow I've been summoned for jury duty tomorrow.   I take it nobody reviewed my questionnaire yet  (former prosecutor and defense atty briefly).  I'll report my findings on modern day jury attire.
I'm betting on pajamas and t-shirts...except the people who are hoping to be dismissed immediately so they can get right back to work. I'm always a little annoyed at the way many people in the jury pools dress.

UT-Erin03

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #24 on: January 10, 2019, 11:42:18 AM »
Oooh, I did have jury duty in July last year.   There were people in Tshirts & jeans for sure, and it was a hot day and I remember seeing a couple of people in hoodies for some reason as well.    There may have been some shorts, but I remember more long jeans than any shorts. 
I can't remember specifically what I was wearing but I didn't get chosen for a panel & was dressed for work and did end up going from courthouse to work so it must have been some business-casual attire.  

fezzador

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #25 on: January 10, 2019, 12:09:30 PM »
Business casual seems to be the theme for jury duty.  Maybe one or two people on it wore a shirt and tie.

MrNubbz

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #26 on: January 10, 2019, 01:05:13 PM »
I'm always a little annoyed at the way many people in the jury pools dress.
I've been called for jury duty for 3 x in 20 yrs.Yet I talk to to others my age who have never been called once.They don't vote and I do which is BS specially with todays technology.If court systems would use the driver license pool instead of the voting pool there would be many more jurors to pick.This is no small inconvenience for me.I take a rapid transit downtown from the burbs.Then walk another 3/4 mile from the station to the court house.I wear nice jeans and tops,still there is an effort getting there so they should be happy if I'm wearing a fig leaf.Not sure why I haven't been called for any of the suburban court houses but I haven't.
"The problem with the Rat Race is,even if you win you're still just a Rat" - Lily Tomlin

utee94

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #27 on: January 10, 2019, 01:13:43 PM »
I haven't owned a suit in years.  Last one i bought was for presentations and interviews whilst in MBA school.  It might still fit, I have no idea.

For "dress-up" I tend to wear khakis and a button-down, or a pair of navy blue or gray slacks I own.  I have a couple of sportcoats and ties I might wear with that if I really felt compelled, but rarely do.

At work I wear mostly jeans.  So does my Director.  So does my VP, unless he's meeting with Michael that day or something.

Unfortunately I will likely be attending my first funeral in ages in the coming weeks. I feel like a dark suit is appropriate for that, so I guess I'll be shopping for that.  



Riffraft

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #28 on: January 10, 2019, 02:13:47 PM »
I've been called for jury duty for 3 x in 20 yrs.Yet I talk to to others my age who have never been called once.They don't vote and I do which is BS specially with todays technology.If court systems would use the driver license pool instead of the voting pool there would be many more jurors to pick.This is no small inconvenience for me.I take a rapid transit downtown from the burbs.Then walk another 3/4 mile from the station to the court house.I wear nice jeans and tops,still there is an effort getting there so they should be happy if I'm wearing a fig leaf.Not sure why I haven't been called for any of the suburban court houses but I haven't.
58yo, I vote, have a driver's license, etc. but have never been called for Jury Duty. 

Riffraft

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Re: OT- Dressing Up
« Reply #29 on: January 10, 2019, 02:17:01 PM »
As far as dressing up. Business casual for work. When I was a pastor, I always wore a tie when preaching. Last time I was in the pulpit was as a guest, first time ever preaching without a tie. Here in Arizona, particularly in the summer time, it is not unusual for people to wear shorts and sandals to church. 

I still own about 50 ties which I rarely wear, as a pastor I was known for my "wild" ties. 

 

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