You Know What I Hate....?

[utee94]

I hate the grocery-store-check-writer that waits until the groceries are all completely rung up, the cashier is waiting, and then and only then, pulls out the checkbook to begin writing it out.

A properly pre-written check while standing in line doesn't really take any longer to process than a credit or debit card, but waiting-until-the-end-grocery-store-check-writer really pisses me off.

[CharleyHorse46]

You know what else I hate?

Waitresses with sniffles. 

[CharleyHorse46]

You know what else I hate?

Fastfood drive through window people with acne so severe it's bleeding

You order at the sign, you're stoked about getting your jalepeno cheddar biscuit sandwich or whatever, you finally get to pull up the payoff window and it's like jeez!  Can't they let that poor kid clear tables for a day or two until that stuff clears up? 

I feel like saying, "just keep the bag.  I'm not hungry anymore."

[CharleyHorse46]

And do you know what I really hate?

Store employees manning the self serve lane who won't just leave you alone.

Okay so you're in the middle of a home repair job and something goes wrong, something breaks, you can't find a tool, you need something quick, so you run up to Lowes.

You grab it off the shelf, you avoid the lanes with cashiers because you're in the zone, you're focused, you're in a hurry, you don't want some bored cashier to trying to liven up her boring existence by asking you how your day is going.  You just want to get your stuff and go.

So you go to the self-check, you scan your first item, you're in the process of putting it in the bagging area and annoying ol Bessie comes up behind you and says, "You need to put it in the bagging area... is that you're only item?... if you have more you'll need to scan those too... are you ready to check out?... did you bring your credit card?.... you'll need to use the pin pad...."  blah, blah, blah, blah

You've used the self check a million times, it's as simple as spelling "cat," but with obnoxious ol Bessie breathing down your neck, everything goes wrong, which motivates her even more.

When you finally get through the order that's taken ten times longer than it should because of Bessie's "help," she grins and says, "Have a good day."   I look at her and say, "F- off."

I have spoken to the store manager a number of times about how he just needs to fire her annoying ass, but do they ever listen?   Noooo.

She's the worst.

I'd much rather go through the lane and have that afflicted lady with no arms and her hands attached to her shoulders check me out.   At least she keeps her mouth shut.

[MichiFan87]

Sounds like automation / AI is the solution to most of your problems.

Amazon Go is a cashierless store. It will be interesting to see if they scale up and/or if other companies can adopt (or duplicate) their technology. More info here: http://fortune.com/2016/12/05/amazon-go-store/

Fast-food jobs are being automated, too.

Of course, automated vehicles will resolve the issue of bad drivers eventually. How quickly that transition happens remains to be seen, but it's definitely going to start soon....

[Texas95]

CH would hate Brown County.

A simple run to town guarantees you at least a dozen 5-minute conversations.

The only thing more important than my hurry is other people.  They're fairly important.

Maybe that's why we're not all angry around here.  We give each other the time of day.

[847badgerfan]

You know what I hate?

I hate the guy/girl who cuts you off, slows down, and proceeds to take a half hour to make a right turn so all the shit in his/her minivan doesn't fall all over the place.

[utee94]

Hooky hates the lane moocher, and I do too.

But I also hate the lane-straddler.  The person that considers him or herself so important, that they straddle the lane markers whilst choosing the lane they think will get his or her important self down the road faster than you-- the person they consider less important.

Eff the lane straddler.

[CharleyHorse46]

CH would hate Brown County.

A simple run to town guarantees you at least a dozen 5-minute conversations.

The only thing more important than my hurry is other people.  They're fairly important.

Maybe that's why we're not all angry around here.  We give each other the time of day.

I'm happy for you, that  you live in a place that soothes your soul and appeals to your sensibilities.  I don't mind visiting such places for a weekend or so.  They're charming and one can wistfully imagine how nice it would be to live in such a place.

In 1990, I had reason to move to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

I figured: capitol city in a southwestern state with a big state flagship public university in its metro area.  It should be a lot like my hometown.  Right?

Turns out it wasn't, for a good number of reasons.  One reason was the friendliness factor.

Now, Austin can be friendly in some ways.  Sometimes you can just bump into somebody, hit it off and become lifetime friends.  Or sometimes a set of circumstances can introduce you to somebody who you will end up sharing an adventure with over the next 48 hours, and then you'll never see them again.  That's kind of fun and interesting.  But it's not like the OKC.

In OKC, you don't really get that involved with anybody, but there's an ongoing banality that doesn't exist in Austin.

In the ATX, people pretty much mind their own business.  It's not like you actually hate strangers, it's just that it's all so transient, that there's no point in getting to know somebody's who's going to be replaced by some other stranger next week.  So you ignore the best you can.  Nod when you see the same person several times and talk once in a blue moon when the sun is out, you're feeling mellow and everything's cool.  Right?

Personally, I like to give a friendly nod with a baleful look in my eyes so strangers will think I've met my social obligation but they won't be inclined to engage me.

So any way, I move to OKC and everybody's friendly.  You drive through a neighborhood and people wave.  You're in line at the hardware store and the people in line with you will strike up a conversation.

At first I thought, now isn't this charming?  The city has 600,000 people and it's just like Mayberry.

But after about 18 months, it begins to grate on you.   You slip into the Homeland IGA on lunch to grab something and the clerk on checkout lane asks the person in front of you how their crepe myrtles are doing and suddenly you're stuck for twenty minutes.

I'm a laid back, easy going guy but those were the times in my life that I contemplated murder.  So yeah, if I lived in Brown County it would probably be only long enough for them to transport me to death row in Huntsville.

[CharleyHorse46]

You know the phrase "fixin' to"?  People say it around here sometimes.  My mom who was born in Oklahoma always said it.  I'm sure I said it few dozen times growing up.

After living in OKC for 18 months, I stopped saying it and I haven't said it since I moved back to the ATX 25 years ago.

You see the difference is this: in Texas, the phrase is used in casual conversation to discuss things you plan to do at your leisure on days off; in Oklahoma it's used in business situations as well. 

Is my car ready?  Ah... I was fixin to work on it.

Do you have my lab results yet?  Uh... I was fixin to run em.

Have you finished operating on grandma?  Yeah, we were fixin to get to her.

There is no snap-to-it in Oklahoma.  It's like what Fodors warns you about third world latin American cultures.  They're living on Tulsa time. 

If you are accustomed to any kind of efficiency at all, do not move to Oklahoma.

[CharleyHorse46]

So if Brown County's like that, I'd be an ax murderer.

Which reminds me....

Went with one of my sons to see that movie, Dr Strange.  The protagonist is played by Benedict Cumberbatch who possesses the air of a snooty Englishman.  And in the movie he plays a brilliant surgeon with photographic memory.

There's a scene where he's told to conjure a weapon and he conjures a stick which the other guy immediately knocks out of his hand. 

A stick.

If I could conjure a weapon and somebody told me to conjure one, it wouldn't be a stick.

It's be a 50 cal or flame thrower or a rolling ball of butcher knives.

It wouldn't be a stick.

But I guess that just goes to show even geniuses are human and have duh! moments.

[CharleyHorse46]

You know what I hate?

People in small cars, like Honda CR-Vs, who don't use their signals and who swing wide to make turns.   When they're going 15 under and they start bearing strongly to the left or the right, I'm ready to bear the opposite direction to jack rabbit past their slow moving ass.  But nooooo.  They're only going left to make a wide right turn or going right to make a wide left turn.

Why?  It's a Honda CR-V.  It's not like they're turning a battleship.

Most bad drivers need to have the soles of their feet caned, but wide turn CR-V drivers should be locked in a tiny bamboo cage half-submerged in swamp water and poked with pointy sticks dipped in poo.

[longhorn320]

I hate folks driving a car infront of me and we are both approaching a stop sign

now they are far enough in front of me that all I have to do is coast giving them plenty of time to stop and move on

But instead of stopping and moving on they remain stopped longer then necessary just so I have to stop behind them.  Its like they are making sure Im going to abide by the law and stop
so I have to stop twice instead of once

[Mr Tulip]

You know the phrase "fixin' to"?  People say it around here sometimes.  My mom who was born in Oklahoma always said it.  I'm sure I said it few dozen times growing up.

After living in OKC for 18 months, I stopped saying it and I haven't said it since I moved back to the ATX 25 years ago.

You see the difference is this: in Texas, the phrase is used in casual conversation to discuss things you plan to do at your leisure on days off; in Oklahoma it's used in business situations as well. 

Is my car ready?  Ah... I was fixin to work on it.

Do you have my lab results yet?  Uh... I was fixin to run em.

Have you finished operating on grandma?  Yeah, we were fixin to get to her.

There is no snap-to-it in Oklahoma.  It's like what Fodors warns you about third world latin American cultures.  They're living on Tulsa time. 

If you are accustomed to any kind of efficiency at all, do not move to Oklahoma.

I'm a huge fan of "island time" because it lets me know where I stand.

Instead of "fixin' to", island time is announced via "no problem!".
I need stamps. Is the post office open? "No problem!"
Can you find this brand of washing up soap? "No problem!"

When you hear it, it means it may or may not happen - depending on mood, inclination, or whether something else more interesting is happening at the moment.

I enjoy efficiency and optimization. It's actually a great relief to me when I'm fully aware that the object of my request has no intention of reliability. If I need reliability, I can do it myself. Factoring in "island time" is a great help!