The B12 (XII) Forum, home of the 'Front Porch, y'all' at College Football Fan Site, CFB51!!!

At my church growing up, they tended to serve grieving families gumbo or brisket.  What kind of weird denominations ARE you people??  

Actually come to think of it, that does sound a bit celebratory, doesn't it?  Maybe the people at my home church were HAPPY that people in other families died.  Meh....the Bible does say to rejoice at death, somewhere, I think.  Maybe they're just taking that bit very literally?

So I'm brand new to the in-law world, but there is enough dichotomy between my wife's two dad-figures to give me whiplash from one extreme to the other.  Her biological dad is an atheist who thinks believers are delusional, though he's down for a bit of Buddhism and some bits of other things, just so long as it isn't Christianity.  He's a super nice guy, but he does like to start arguments in that regard, usually getting flustered and leaving me wondering why he brought it up in the first place, then.  Her step-dad (who is kind of dad #2, came into her life when she was 12, was around far more than her real dad for several years, thinks of her as his own daughter) is--and I'm trying to be delicate here--a fundamentalist wack-job.  He is personally a very likable man and I enjoy being around him in spurts.  But his church is crazy.  I think they're probably one short step away from being snake handlers.  My new sister-in-law is married to the pastor of that church, so.....yeah.  My brother-in-law is immune to all the above and is a super cool guy, but he's an alcoholic, which comes with its own problems.  

My mother-in-law is dead and hasn't given me one minute's grief.  

Oh, that reminds me......I got married, if it's any interest to anyone.  There's now a Mrs. DeTiger.  

She's really a Mrs. Longhorn, though.  I always knew I'd marry a Longhorn fan.  

I finally took BC's advice and "wifed the broad."  

This season she's trying to learn the intricacies of my fandom.  We play Auburn this week and she asked me how do we (I) think of them.  I told her we don't like them on general principle, because they are Auburn, and Auburn sucks.  I told her to think of them like how she thinks of Oklahoma, only with less success and more cheating.  

Wow, congrats MDT! 

I hope your marriage is as good for you as mine has been for me.  I couldn't have been any more lucky.  I hope the same is true for you.

In-laws, well, what we can say bout in-laws?  Definitely a mixed bag, and I think that's true for most any family out there.  My own story is traveling to Argentina, with little knowledge of Spanish at the time, to become a member of her family.  I was immediately accepted by her maternal grandmother, but her mother is right out of a Latin novela (and unfortunately her father passed long ago, and all consider him a true gentleman - there are so many times I could have used his help!)  Fortunately my wife's sister's husband, who is French, and I have bonded together to form our own mini-son-in-law's club, and give each other much aid and assistance as we navigate those sometimes choppy son-in-law waters.  

But despite the language barrier and the raised eyebrows of who the hell is this to come here and marry my daughter, I was still able to sort things out pretty quickly.  It's funny that when you are in another culture, immersed, and without much capacity in the language, and you're mostly reading body language, you still get the story of who's good and who's to be avoided.  There are some real princes and princesses in her family, and then there are those who are, well, not.

Honeymoon plans (maybe past tense now)?

Just kidding.  May the good lord bless and keep her soul.

So I'm in East Texas this week where folks are more likely to die of heart disease than starvation.  Good Lord do they fry everything or what?

And I needed to take a little break so I walked around the courthouse square and came upon a woman in some bushes spying on her husband working at a job site across the street.  I could tell because of what she was saying to somebody on her cell phone about how he was at work and that was good because if he hadn't been she was going to find out what he was up to and give him a piece of her mind.

As I continued my walk, it occurred to me that it never ceases to amaze me the lengths to which a lot of women will go to hold their men accountable.  Seems like a lot of work to me.

Lord knows there are angry, abusive, controlling men in this world who do that much and more, but I like to imagine they're a small minority and the rest of us are just kind of "whatever" guys who have learned to accept whatever our wives are up to and not worry about it or over-analyze it too much.  We're like whatever.

So it never ceases to amaze us when we stumble upon traps or trip over surveillance or discover our wives know so much more about every secret of our life than even we know.  It's like creepy.

But whatever.

Sounds to me like that small-town East Texas courthouse-stalking lady needs a job.  I can't imagine my i s c & a aggie wife ever having the time or energy to check up on me.  And vice versa.

And congrats, MDT!

Thanks, doods.

Fred, I get a kick out of imagining a fish-out-of-water American fumbling their way through the nuances of Argentinian culture and finding an ally with a French guy.  No French people involved for me, but it reminds me of when I first moved to Austin and found myself on a variety of adventures with the Brazilian population, during which I found my two years of high school Spanish wholly inadequate.  

Anyway, we married in a quiet ceremony with just her pastor and our immediate family the Friday before Labor Day, so we're back from the honeymoon already.  She had her big blowout wedding when she was younger and wasn't interested in anything like that again.  And me, well....I could care less and was happy for a low-hassle affair.  

Since we're in the "Know What I Hate?" thread, it made me think about and reconsider something.  CharleyHorse is right, I do consider my new bride a pretty lady.  He's also right about all the other great qualities she possesses.  And as I mentioned here once before, causing BC to tell me to "wife the broad," she's super low maintenance, loves to watch sports and loves to cook.  Now that may not be everybody's cup of tea, but you could hardly invent a better woman to catch my eye.  So you might wonder, how in the world did I land such a girl?

The answer, I think, lies in perhaps what is a silver lining to one of the things I've always hated.  I'm referring to assholes.  The people, not the biological organ.  The world has always had them, and when the Internet came along I think we learned there were a lot more assholes lurking in the general population than we ever assumed.  They can ruin your day by being unpleasant.  They can make things difficult at work.  They might try to rain on your parade when things are going well for you.  Cranky, cantankerous, petulant dicks.  How often have we wished the world were devoid of assholes?  I mean, what good are they anyway?

Well as it turns out, I think there's at least one purpose they can serve.  See, my wife's ex-husband was a complete asshole.  I'm convinced that because of him she sees me a lot like how I see her.  I'm kinda Joe Average in most regards, but because her reference point is years of marriage to an asshole, to her I seem like friggin' Prince Charming.  Then it dawned on me....come to think of it, I've known quite a few women who wouldn't give good, average joes the time of day, until AFTER they had been dumped on by an asshole or two and figured out what was important in life.  Then her and average joe would connect and those couples are happily married to this day.  

So while I still kinda hate them, I think the Good Lord knew what he was doing after all.  Assholes give regular guys such as myself the chance to snag awesome women.  Without assholes, maybe I and many others would be sitting around still single.