Trying to work through some ish here...
You all know my history. Wiped out financially by divorce in 2016. Been spending the last decade trying to build myself just to "ok", while feeling like I was way behind my goals and worried I'd be unable to support myself in the manner I'd like to when I retire. Then good luck came, and now I'm thinking that I might be able to retire a lot younger than 65.
Optimistically, if things stay good in the market, with my job (and my company's stock value for vesting), I could see myself getting out in 5 years. That'll mark the point at which my daughter graduates HS, I'll be completely free of child support (so I won't have my ex thinking I'm a piggy bank because I retired), and I'd be in my early 50s. I think to hit my early retirement "number", I doubt I could do it before then without more really good luck / stock market run.
More realistically, the number might be closer to 9 years, when she would be graduating college, and I'd be in my mid-50s.
But... Now that I have moved from "I hope I can afford to retire?" to "when will I reach my early retirement number?", I find myself thinking about retirement constantly.
It's not that I hate my job... In fact, my job is intellectually stimulating and I really feel like I'm doing something meaningful and impactful. I'm a little overwhelmed b/c my role changed 6 months ago and I'm just finding my feet, but I think that'll work itself out over the rest of this year.
So it's not that I'm miserable--it's that I'm constantly thinking of all the things I don't have time to do, that I'll have time to do.
- I've got bumpers for the Jeep that I've had since Christmas and haven't installed. I have other Jeep wrenching projects planned too but obviously I'm not going to start thinking about those until I do what I have in front of me. And hell, it would be nice to actually have the time to take the Jeep off road instead of just making it look tough.
- I've wanted to build a table for my kamado grills for years, but haven't gotten around to it.
- I haven't brewed in months.
- My wife and I buy all these cookbooks and print recipes constantly, but during the work week default to "easier" meals when I'd love to be cooking something interesting.
- I've been so overwhelmed at work that I've let the exercise fall off, which I need to correct but I feel like I never even have the time for that.
- I'd like to actually play golf more than once every two weeks as well as put a little bit of time into my game.
- And the most important--we have the means to travel but we never have the time / freedom.
Between work, kids, general upkeep of the basic aspects of being a functional adult, we're too tired to truly make use of our weekends so it seems like a constant hamster wheel of recharging just enough on weekends to get through the week. It's making time for all the "I have to" stuff and having very little for the "I want to" stuff.
Don't get me wrong... We've got a great life and I'm not complaining. But now I see this possible future that's tantalizingly within reach, but at the same time it's going to require patience because it's not here yet.
I spent the weekend with my dad. He kinda let himself go [and was very depressed] when my mom passed this spring, wasn't great about taking his meds, ended up gaining 40 lbs of water weight and ended up in the hospital, and now is at least recovering and hopefully will get back to self-sufficiency in a few weeks. But I know that he was never in a good position financially, to the point that when he was retired from being an architect was selling insurance... He's gotten into woodworking, sculpture, and is really talented and great at it, but he always felt guilty leaving my mom for more than an hour or two to go to the wood shop. When she passed he said all the right things about all the things he wanted to do, and he ended up here. Now he's finally got the time to do some stuff, but at 84 and in his physical condition, will he have the physical ability? That's not where I want to be in ~40 years, should I live that long, lamenting all the things I didn't do when I was physically able, but now can't do.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? I actually like my job, but my job isn't--or at least shouldn't be--my identity. It's a means to an end. The end is in sight, but it's not here, which just makes me want it more.