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In the spirit of the Easter Season


Meet Walter  Barnes

All golfers should live so long as to become this kind of old man!
 Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
 80% held up their hands.  The Minister then repeated his question. 
All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes. 
 "Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" 
 "I don't have any," he replied gruffly. 
 "Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual.  How old are you?" 
 "Ninety-eight," he replied  The congregation stood up and clapped their hands. 
 "Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?" 

The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply;

"I outlived all them assholes."

 

Switch to Bud Light you might

The Dying Priest



In Washington, D.C.  an old priest lay dying in the hospital.  For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials.  He motioned for his nurse to come near.



"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.



"I would really like to see President Biden and Senator Schumer before I die, "whispered the priest.



"I'll see what I can do, Father", replied the nurse.



The nurse sent the request to The President and Congress and waited for a response.  Soon the word arrived; President Biden and Chuck Schumer would be delighted to visit the priest.



As they went to the hospital, Biden commented to Schumer , "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me re-elected."

Schumer agreed that it was a good thing.



When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Biden's hand in his right hand and Schumer's hand in his left hand.  There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.



Finally President Biden spoke.  "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"



The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after  our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."



"Amen", said Biden.



"Amen", said Schumer.



The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same."