I was depressed in the spring of 2022. Not clinically, I just didn't enjoy my day-to-day life.
I had a student that dominated 99% of my attention and would literally scream at the top of his lungs when he got in a mood.
That was fun. It was the first year of my career my class did poorly on the standardized testing. There wasn't anything for admin to do with him. He wasn't violent towards others really, just psychotic. He'd accidently drop a water bottle, start screaming. He'd purposely drop it, start screaming. And he was the highest kid in the class.
The parents were delusional.
The counselor's load was so high, she saw him for 30 min a week.
He did not change all year.
He was never absent.
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There's my whining schpiel.
The reality of education is that it's bad and getting worse. Everyone is quitting because it's not a good life. I have younger students and I have to be "on" all day. So when I get home, I do nothing for 2-3 hours. Then I can go do things and be social and function.
There are no substitute teachers. So if someone is out, we split their class and figure out seating for them. If I'm out, the prep and knowing I'm stressing out my grade level team really sucks. I pride myself on not taking a day off until April 1st (Opening Day for MLB) each year (~135 days into the school year).
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I get that people want their own kids to go to the best school possible.
BUT...while you're at your better school that's further away, the public neighborhood school you left is worse by you leaving. It would be one thing if it was a random sample of 5 or 10% of the students, but it's 100% of the most involved parents. Our best students. Gone. So what we have left are teachers trying their best without those students that are a pleasure to work with. A higher % of the students are the behavior issues, low students, neglected and/or worse. Every proponent of "school choice" is mathematically guaranteeing that the public schools worsen.
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Why not improve it? Why not have more buy-in? Why not build your fellow parents up rather than look down on them and run away?
Rhetorical questions, I know. It's not anyone's job to do that. It's hard. Etc.
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I don't fault admins for how they behave. They're watching their school population decrease in quality, let's say, while at the same time being told they must improve the school. Do better with less. Not less money, but the money is largely irrelevant. It's the school community. It's the stakeholders (students, teachers, parents, admin) not having cohesion.
For admin, they're in a horse race with an ever-aging horse and a jockey who loves buffets.
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I went to UF, a pretty good school. I had good SATs, high IQ, two college grads as parents (accountant and civil engineer). I CHOSE to teach. It was an arrogant reason, but I didn't trust anyone to do it better.
With good teachers, you were given more leeway because you have a track record and have earned trust. For new or poor teachers, you were expected to stick to the script, so to speak ( and literally, often times). But nowadays, they want everyone on that script. It's not about trust, it's about not getting sued. Not causing waves. Just do what won't get us in trouble.
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I had a student with 92 absences last year. Over half the school year, all haphazardly. Didn't learn much of anything, was emotional many days, etc. Not a great situation for her, obviously.
But her test scores are factored into my "teacher effectiveness" just like the student there everyday with a healthy home life. Good stuff.
I'm not going to quit. Last year was a fantastic class, overall. They were so good to each other and I kept them engaged. We were a healthy, happy community in our little piece of the school.
I hate the idea of quitting. I'm not a quitter. But to be honest, if I had a bunch of money in the bank, I probably would have caved into my depression and quit, hired an employee, and tried to greatly expand my side business. Honestly, any job sounded better than my daily reality.
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It's stupid that I have a mindset that I'm going to out-tough whatever this occupation throws at me. Kids. Learning. Shouldn't take any amount of toughness.
Give me some kids and a tree providing shade, and I'll teach them anything you want me to. Don't need all the other crap, good or bad. It's all unnecessary crap.