Ouch. My ex didn't even retain a lawyer. She knew if anything I was honest, and she had a specific figure in mind. My lawyer kept trying to work the numbers in my favor until I explained it to her. I wanted to retain the house so the kids had stability and it took just about every cent I had to pay her for her part and the rest of it, but I knew in a year or so I would have recovered. That was a rough time, but my main focus was on keeping the kids. Had they been with her, well, I can't imagine how bad it would have been. On her weekends, they told me later, she'd go by Blockbuster and take out 10 tapes for them to watch and then disappear.
When they got older they'd often call me on Saturday afternoon and ask if I could come get them, they were bored, and often they had soccer or whatever anyway on Saturdays. The boy was with my flying and supposed to be back at her house one Saturday at 6 PM when the engine quit on us. It took a while of course to deal with various and sundry to get him back to her house, and she was mad because it was some special dinner she was hosting. They were like props to her, not people.
The good news is that Wife #2 is about her exact opposite. I'm very thankful for that, and my kids love her also. Life lessons.